Harry Potter and Bad Rap
by xxiiv
Summary: John likes Dave and doesn't know how to tell him, and his older brother Jake makes fun of him for it. Dave invites John over for movies. Terrible at summaries, I am sorry. Just a short fluff piece.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **To help heal the wounded in the aftermath of Ruins chapter 5, I have written adorable JohnDave and DirkJake to fill your bleeding hearts. I swear Ruins was supposed to end on a good note but then oops my hands slipped and i typed a couple hundred words. I hope you guys like this one just as much as the lst ;)

69696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969 6969696969696969696969

John yawned and stretched his arms behind his back, glancing at the screen of his laptop. Dave was going off on one of his raps again, re-telling the story of how he 'served' Gamzee or something. John wasn't paying much attention. He smiled and leaned against the desk, watching as the red lines popped up in his chat window. Gosh, did he like Dave. Not that he would ever tell anyone, no! But he enjoyed talking to his best friend and being around him was enough.

"Is that Dave?", a voice said behind him. John jumped as his older brother Jake walked into the room. Jake had spent most of his life in England with their mother, and now he had an accent that made it hard to understand him sometimes.

"Oh.. Y-yeah it's him alright.", Jake said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away sheepishly, smiling.

"You should tell the boy you like him, John!", Jake exclaimed. John turned bright red and looked down, fidgeting with his shirt hem. Jake grabbed the back of his computer chair and pushed him away, bending down to look at what Dave was typing.

"HEY! You can't do that, Jake!"

"Poppycock, I'm your brother, I can do as I please."

"No you can't!"

Jake ignored him and began furiously typing away at John's keyboard. John gaped in horror. What was his brother DOING? What was he SAYING? This could only end badly.

Jake grinned and turned to leave. "Have fun, little brother, I'm off to have tea with Dirk."

"You're going out with Dave's brother AGAIN?", John asked as he moved his chair back in front of his desk.

"Absitively posolutely!", Jake responded as he made his way down the stairs.

John sighed and flopped into his chair, looking back at the screen. His brother had rapped at Dave.

Jake.

Rapped.

At Dave.

John was horrified as he read the words, expecting them to be fumbling and awful.

EB: I've got super producers and fans who play me

EB: You've got a grandad's mustache and a ukelele

EB: Don't look around sir, I'm talking to you

EB: Roll up your sleeves, Queensbury rules

EB: Never test professor's of the cleverest wits

EB: Let's settle this like me; armed with heavy sticks

TG: uhhh... what the fuck was that, dude?

EB: DAVE I'M SORRY MY BROTHER BARGED IN HERE AND PUSHED ME OFF THE COMPUTER.

TG: hahahahaha are you fucking serious?

TG: damn your bro's got some skills if that's what he's slammin down. he just slapped me with the motherfuckin metaphorical guantlet o English rap.

EB: that's not his though. it's from some stupid song he listens to all the time by a weirdo named Professor Elemental.

TG: well shit i was about ready to ask your bro for some lessons he straight up schooled me

EB: whatever, dave. he's going to hang out with your brother anyway, so i don't have to worry about him.

TG: what? bro's going out? he didn't say anything to me about it.

TG: shit he's already gone. what the fuck?

EB: hey dave, i'll come over if you want. we could watch a movie or something!

TG: dear god please don't say con air

EB: err... no we don't have to watch con air. you can pick the movie.

TG: if i get to pick the movie, you better prepare yourself for some amazingly intense movie-watching experiences

EB: should i ever expect anything less from you?

TG: absolutely not

TG: come on over

TG: we can make popcorn or something

EB: ok i'll be over in a little while

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -

69696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969 69696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969 69696969696969696969696969696969696969696969

John and Dave were sitting on the couch in Dave's living room, watching Harry Potter.

"I still can't believe you picked this movie, Dave."

"Shut up, you dweeb. It's a good movie.", Dave said, stealing the popcorn bowl from John.

"Hey! Give that back, I was eating that!"

"No, you can have it back when I'm finished."

"There won't be any left, you ass! You'll eat it all!"

John lunged at Dave, effectively knocking the bowl off the couch and sending the popcorn spilling onto the floor, and wrestled him down until John was straddling his hips.

"Haha! I win!"

"At what? Making us both lose popcorn?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

John leaned down, intent on kissing Dave, but stopped an inch or so away from Dave's face. He looked into those shades of his and sighed a little. John reached up and took Dave's glasses off, revealing bright vermillion irises.

"Your eyes are beauti-"

John didn't get to finish his sentence because Dave had placed a hand on the back of his neck and yanked him down, smashing their lips together in a heated, hungry kiss. John moaned quietly into the kiss and relaxed on top of Dave. The blonde's free hand rested on the small of John's back.

They didn't hear the sound of the keys in the door.

They missed the door opening and slamming shut, and the sound of thumping as people were pushed into walls.

One minute John and Dave were on a one way train to Sloppy-Makeoutsville and the next someone is yelling in their ears.

"YOU DICKS STOP MAKING OU TON THE GOOD COUCH.", Dirk yelled. Jake was holding his sides, trying to simultaneously not die from laughter and keep John from seeing his dishevelled appearence.

John and Dave startled so badly they fell onto the floow amidst the popcorn. Dave glared ate his brother, noticing immediately that Dirk was missing his glasses and his shirt was half on.

"Gross, dude.", Dave said, one arm still around John.

"Shut the fuck up, you were just doing the same with John you asshat.", Dirk said as he grabbed Jake's hand and dragged him toward the other side of the house.

"D-Dirk, where are we going?!"

"Somewhere not here."

Dave didn't look at John again until he heard a door slam. John was flabbergasted.

"I'm assuming this means we both like each other, so i'm just gonna fucking say it; John, wanna go out with me?", he said. John looked at him and grinned.

"Duh!"


	2. PLEASE READ

This is yes another author's note but please read because I need your help.

So I'm trying to raise money so I can get to AWA this year. I've made this handful of really great friends through tumblr and between them and homestuck, my literal life was saved. I was so close to the brink of doing something really awful when I first started talking to these few people and it's made a world of difference.

They are also going to AWA, we're supposed to share a room together and split group rates and everything. I am beside myself with glee. The only thing that's made me happier is getting engaged.

However I don't have the funds and it's rapidly looking like I won't be able to make it.

UNLESS!

Unless what, you say. Unless we just give you money?

NOT AT ALL!

I am not asking you to simply donate your money to my cause. It is greatly appreciated but that is not what I'm asking!

I'm opening up writing commissions. Poems, fanfics, short stories, prose. Hell, I'll fucking write you an English essay if you want.

For a price.

Poems- $2 - $4 depending on length and difficulty

Short stories/ fanfics 5 pages or less - $3

Multichapters - $5

7 or more chapters - $8-$12

Anything such as drug use (coke, heroin, etc. Not like pot), abuse, rape, pairings I am uncomfortable with, or something I have to do research for is an extra $2

You can control anything you want. Characters, length, plot. Anything you want written I will write it.

Essays vary by class and length

English - $10 - $15

History - $20

Economics/ Government - $30

Psychology - $20

Research rates do not apply to essays. If given a topic I know nothing about I will turn it away, but I typically can gather enough information to do it.

Any questions, please let me know, you can either PM here, message my tumblr plushestrumpest, my skype is celestixxiiv, and my paypal email is cantrellkira1

Thank you in advance for your help.


End file.
